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Thursday, December 25th, 2008
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Wednesday, December 17th, 2008
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so busy with two jobs my ears and eyes bleed
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Tuesday, October 28th, 2008
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The gist of my situation is this... as a part of my roll at Macky Auditorium, I am also instructed to help follow up in security as according to the performer's instructions. Ray Lamontagne was playing at Macky yesturday and there are several security teams. There is the Police, Ray's security staff, Argus a freelance security team, and then the Ushering staff. We have a meeting together and opperate accordingly. In the past when no pictures are aloud to be taken, cameras and cell phones are taken and the pictures are deleted. It's supposed to be the pictures of the show only. In this case it was important because in the past, Ray has stopped in the middle of a performance because too many pictures are taken. Anyways... this is the idea of the briefing.
I took cameras and phones like usual, unfortunately for me, doing so has also left me being the scape goat... Police, Argus, and Ray's team told me where the cameras and phones were and I was the one that picked them up. Checked if pictures of the show are taken... and deal with them accordingly. Taking the phones and cameras back to the office. There are signs posted around the building about pictures not being aloud.
At the end of the show, one of the patrons finds out that her pictures are deleted. Not only that, but all her pictures. I don't remember deleting all the pictures since it was a phone I wasn't familiar with. All I figured out was how to delete pictures one by one, which I thought I did for the show only. However there is the fact that the phone was off in the first place. By me turning on the phone to inspect the picture gallery, she considered it to be an infringement of privacy. However at the same time I wasn't sure as to how much the patrons knew about taking pictures and not being able too... etc. The argument she is throwing out that because her right to privacy has been infringed that she wants to take action about it. However... I did find pictures in her cell of the show, which is a violation against Ray. But unfortunately... this is where I'm hung out to dry.
She wants to place Macky, or myself responsible for what has just happened. Anycase... that's where my fear lays...
But later today Kira did make my life a little more comfortable and brought me chocolates. Also support from friends helped...
It's irritating though that on the way home a bunch of guys make sure to get in my way and prevent me from getting home only to tell me to "Get new glasses you fucking rice burner." Seriously though... people wonder why people snap. The gist is, not everyone can understand how it is to be put to that point...
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I fucked up. Big time. At work I had made a mistake that could cost me my job and could get me sued or Macky sued or... someone sued or... I don't know right now. I don't how to feel right now, I come home shaking and nothing is going through my mind except white noise and eventually repeating over and over again "You fucked up." I really don't know how I'm going to feel for awhile right now. I just know that at the moment I am feeling dangerously self loathing and guilty and... I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. To forget who the hell I am... what I do wrong... I clenched my teeth hard and my lips are breathing... my hands have stopped shaking by this point, and driving on the way home, I had to let go of the steering wheel every time I drove over a bridge, afraid that something in me would snap. I don't know what to do right now... stress is driving me insane... the patron I was dealing with doesn't seem like the forgiving time... I just feel sick to my stomach right now... not at the situation, but at who I am. I haven't hated myself like this in such a long time and I'm afraid I'm going to lose what little I have right now. And if I do, I'm more afraid of how I'll change as an end product.
I don't want to snap. I don't want to hate myself that I end up killing myself. I need to find something to hold onto to try to keep myself from losing it. Thinking spontaneously and forgetting things have helped me for so long, but seeing how that may cost me what stability I've worked so long for, I'm more afraid of the outcome. I need to try to keep a cool head and tell myself that this isn't the end... I need to stop thinking so much and stop worrying... I need to do something before it's too late... I can't let things like this tear me apart and stop caring about doing my best. Doing my best... doing what others do not want to do... I need to stop doing it and placing myself in font because in all seriousness: No one gives a fuck once you're left out to dry. It's human nature. I just need to make sure I don't lose it because of this... NEED to stop trying my best. Fucking hell, I need to stop trying my best. People appreciate it to a degree and then you'll fuck up once then suddenly people are unsure and...
I need to stop having pride in my job, because that'll make me work harder. I need to stop working so hard. I need to be CAREFUL. I need to stop trying to make life easier and comfortable for others.
I have to see how things play out... It's like I got two cards set in front of me, and how the situation plays out... will determine how I'll flip the card.
My jaw hurts right now. I feel light headed. My lips are still bleeding. I'm just feeling more angry at myself than scared now...
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Saturday, September 27th, 2008
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01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
26) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
27) Do you believe in ghosts?
28) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
29) Do you swear a lot?
30) Biggest pet peeve?
31) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
32) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
33) Favourite and least favourite food?
34) Do you believe in God?
35) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
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Thursday, September 25th, 2008
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Working from opening til bout midnight due to both jobs piggy backing on each other. Fortunately Kindra is helping me cover the last bit I'd have to work til 6 due to the schedule conflicts. Bugsy says I should shower her with croissants as way of thanks. But I'm sure I'd get kicked out so the flakey bits will be given in bag form! :D
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Sunday, September 21st, 2008
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Tonight's photoshoot for Phoenix's clothing line went well. I'm pretty happy with how a lot of my pictures turned out. Here's a preview.
Gonna do some editing later, but yay.
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Friday, September 19th, 2008
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I want a very nice pair of black gloves that are comfortable and cool :)
I want to put Bugsy on my shoulder and walk around happily with it! :D
I want to feel the rhythm of the world around me again to help me walk :o
I want to smile and laugh at the worst of times :3
I want to write and draw til I kill myself while feeling satisfied and content :3
I want to get my hair cut all cool like :)
I want to bounce around in a club :o
I want to take a shower :D
I think I'll go take a shower now, and check those off over time.
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Sunday, September 14th, 2008
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Life has been interesting. A toss up between isolation and socialization. I get to be somewhat social while at work which is cool, but as soon as I clock out, my life is rather isolated which kinda sucks but... at least it's getting some of my creative juices flowing. At the moment I got the chance to play a little DnD with some friends which was nice... been a long time since I geeked out like that. Picking up my copy of RockBand 2 later today as well. The depression spells are started to go away, and Rachel, Jess, and Ryan will be coming over for awhile which I look forward too. I SOMEHOW have a sleeping schedule which is nice... But here it goes again, this is kinda the up point of my mood, and hopefully the low points will not kick in for a good long while. :) I'm enjoying the company of a few people at work, and I don't feel so alone anymore I guess you could say. Apparently I'm not the only geek in the store anymore.
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Wednesday, September 10th, 2008
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Well science is either going to have a wonderful jump forward, or one hell of a set back (Like, a We're all dead, kind). Either way, if things fall apart:
"Race you to the end of the world." ;)
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Sunday, September 7th, 2008
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So I drew the girl and her pet blob from my animation awhile back while I was at work
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Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008
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sometimes I seriously wonder how mentally fucked up I am. >.< really sucks feelin alone when no one really wants to be in yer company in and out of work.
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So I'm out at San Fran at the moment, taking a break from my everyday stresses of job searching and increasing repair costs on... well... my iMac now. Looks like it'll be 700 bucks to get it repairs but I'm hoping Brice can get me a discount or contacts for a decreased repair price. With the iMac fritzing as it does, hopefully I can get around to repairing it or finding a way around it...
(Note: hey Bethy I did kinda notice your post about the DVD and that's kind of why things are late.. With the computer freaking out with video or... anything. I've had to do my 3D modeling on my low powered laptop. So I'm going to try to install final cut on the laptop and prep the movie and burn it there. Sorry again for the incrediably long delay :( )
Been taking pictures, a bit of climbing around. Just chillin out here at San Fran and keeping it real. Everyone's throwing a BBQ with burgers 'n' drinks here, then we're dashing off for a spot to watch fireworks. Should be nuts that's for sure. Anycase, things here are pretty neat, even though we're in the rainbow district. Life has been f-ing COLD as heck. Colder than Colorado even. I'll get around to posting pictures hopefully... so... for now... we've stopped by a place and picked up a bunch of SNES games and doing random old stuff... cuz we're old @_@
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Wednesday, June 25th, 2008
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So with the time I've got with myself, I've started teaching myself 3D modeling and animation. At the moment the modeling part is done... now I just need to understand the animation part. ;) There's a big reason to all this I guess, and that's because I want to work with the Alice and Bob webcomic. I had drawn a goth girl with her robot a long time ago, and I've been trying to dick around with different styles. Eventually I came with one that would be appropriate for 3D animation as well.
Here's the rough sketch of the character. I'm going to brush up on it so it's more ready for 3D modeling. Bob's in the work as well as Prof. Gimbles.
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Wednesday, June 4th, 2008
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Turned 25 today. Celebrated by buying the latest release of Fables. Also got the new radiohead and weezer albums :) Yeah... so I buy presents for myself c.c;; fook off.
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finally... here's my finished project with my attempt at photoshop CS3. big jump from version 4.
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DAHAHAHAH finally done with Zana.... that's like step 1 of OVER 9000!!!
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Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008
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So Erin and I broke up awhile ago, and things have pretty much gone down hill. I'm no longer moving to San Fran either, but I'll be working on the grad school plan instead. To help distract me, I guess. I have been working on an art project for myself. A picture of Zana on the airship, Albatross. She is holding the silver pendant her late father had given her.
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Today I'm in LA, checking out this and that... doing the strip, etc. it's a pretty busy place and what not... just... interesting. I'll try to post pictures, and draw whenever I get the chance. Meanwhile, it is nearing the great move.
For those who don't know what's up, the gist is I'm heading out to San Fran with some friends where we'll be living as a group of 5. Me being the only one without his girlfriend with him c.c;; I'll try to speak to Erin about that... I'd like to give the long distance thing another shot I guess but anyways.
Next weekend we're road tripping to San Fran. Checking out houses. We got two potentials, one I have too.. unfortuntely refuse since my income isn't good enough for the long run. But Ryan did find a place in his neighborhood that ain't too bad. So if any of you san fran monkies are nearby and want to hang out... give me a heads up yas?
Life is life... I had graduated and pushing through. My hair is reddish pink at the moment. Longer than usual I guess, and I am completely freelance now. Throw me a movie and I'll edit it, professionally. None of the wannabe crap dang it >.< I've got knowledge in both film and digital movie cameras, I can do still stuff, I know what the heck an f-stop is and what it actually means... I do screenwriting... graphic design, etc. Dammit I'm freelance >.< I need to start selling myself and get the website up again... so yeah... Dalis P. Keep the name in mind, I'm here for you. :)
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Monday, February 4th, 2008
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Taken from Bethy girl...
1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
A.
2) What was your dream growing up?
A.
3) What talent do you wish you had?
A.
4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A.
5) Favorite vegetable?
A.
6) What was the last book you read?
A.
7) What zodiac sign are you?
A.
8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
A.
9) Worst Habit?
A.
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
A.
11) What is your favorite sport?
A.
12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
A.
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A.
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A.
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
A.
16) Do you have any pets?
A.
17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A.
18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!)
A.
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A.
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A.
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A.
22) What color eyes do you have?
A.
23) Ever been arrested?
A.
24) Bottle or can soda?
A.
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A.
27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
A
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
A.
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
A.
30) Do you swear a lot?
A.
31) Biggest pet peeve?
A.
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A.
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
A.
35) Do you believe in God?
A.
36) Repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
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dalis's journal
blah.